Post by TheShadow on Feb 18, 2006 23:59:48 GMT -5
www.newshax.com
by Anonymous
Randy Moss Arrives in Oakland - (AP) 07-21-05
Oakland, CA -- Randy Moss touched down in Oakland today to begin his long anticipated stint with the Oakland Raiders football team. He is expected by many Raiders fans as their savior to hopefully lead them to perhaps a 6 win season after two years of drought.
Says Moss, "I plead the 5th, oh, wait ... nevermind. Yeah, here I am, I have arrived Oakland! We are going to win and win big, as long as that [Kerry] Collins throws me the ball when I call my number in the huddle. Also, better keep your damn metermaids out of my face or I'm outta here. Anyone have any questions about that part? Good. Now someone show me the way to the titty bars!"
Teammates are hopeful yet wary of Moss' alleged ego, described by former Minnesota Vikings teammates only as, "Bigger than Kansas and Bill Parcells combined, and nearly big enough to wrap around Warren Sapp's distended belly."
Says new teammate Jerry Porter, "Guess I better learn to block since I won't be getting the ball anymore."
Quarterback Kerry Collins is already looking for new homes in Dallas, saying, "Come on, let's be real. The first pass he drops and blames on me will find me with my locker already emptied out at the end of the game, and a snarling, snaggle-toothed Al Davis cackling at me and saying 'Damn you Marcus, you ruined my team.' "
Moss further explained that he "intends to take it easy the first half of the season and maybe turn it up a bit later on" if he thinks there is a shot at the playoffs and the resulting TV time.