Post by TheShadow on Feb 14, 2007 7:27:03 GMT -5
www.ocregister.com
The ex-Chargers coach, at 63, might not be in his prime yet
By JEFF MILLER
The Orange County Register
The self-professed dysfunctional San Diego Chargers just canned Marty Schottenheimer, who, they say, had a habit of dissing function.
But they retained A.J. Smith, the general manager who, following the story, had a habit of dissing Schottenheimer.
It wasn't 14-2 that got the coach fired this week; it was 9-to-5, the regular business hours during which the boss and his boss evidently succeeded only in not setting each other's eyelids on fire.
These sorts of toxic relationships typically end in one of two places: A) Divorce court or B) Jerry Springer's green room.
Schottenheimer this season coached the best team in the NFL to the best record in the NFL. All that netted him was another pathetic playoff flop and unemployment, a red face and a pink slip. Great gig, huh, this job in which an 82-percent success rate still can get you 100-percent fired?
But let's hold on for a second. Feel bad for Schottenheimer, if you like, but don't feel sorry for him. He isn't a victim, he's just a coach who didn't win the only game that matters - the last one - and now the part-fantasy, part-surreal world of big-time sports has spit him out.
For his part, Schottenheimer was a true pro, exiting with grace and dignity. There was little emotion, no tears, not a hint of Marty bawl.
OK, this wasn't about money, no, this was about doing a man right, doing him fairly. But, holy $moke$, is there a comfy financial featherbed awaiting Schottenheimer's falling body.
If you make $75,000 annually, you're doing quite well. However, you'd have to work more a half century to earn what the Chargers will pay Schottenheimer to not coach them the next 12 months.
He has had 21 chances - that's 21 seasons - with four organizations and hasn't been close to winning a Super Bowl. These Chargers, the most talented group in the NFL, failed to advance beyond four postseason quarters. His teams have lost six consecutive playoff games overall.
But Schottenheimer wants to coach again and almost certainly will, despite the fact he's 63. This is coaching, after all, an occupation that has the same expiration date as dirt.
George Halas and Marv Levy both coached in the NFL at 72. Neither is likely to be a candidate for the Chargers now, Levy being too old and Halas being too dead. But you never know.
Jimmy Johnson's name has come up, and he's 63. Dan Reeves was on the radio Tuesday talking about coming back, and he's 63. Joe Gibbs returned to the Redskins in 2004 - at 63.
In this game, coaches often aren't rehired as much as they're resuscitated. Only days into his latest retirement, Bill Parcells - at 65 - already is being recycled in rumors.
This, after enduring an entire season of Terrell Owens' nonstop nonsense. Poor Tuna. He was simply KO'd in Dallas, or perhaps in this case, TO'd.
Pete Carroll's name also has surfaced in connection with the Chargers. Big problem, though. At 55, he's way too young. On Tuesday, Carroll conducted an interview on the topic - while jogging toward a pickup basketball game.
"I've got nothing for you," Carroll said to a pair of reporters who hadn't the shoes nor lungs to keep up with him. "I'm not talking about it."
Both reporters then collapsed and were revived after receiving a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts via IV.
Carroll has maintained he would be interested only in NFL openings that also offer control over personnel decisions. In dealing with Schottenheimer, Smith displayed a reluctance to surrender any of the authority promised in his job description.
It's an interesting attraction, how everything that coaching offers far exceeds the likelihood of the job eventually devouring its owner.
The morning after winning Super Bowl XLI, Tony Dungy met with the media and was asked repeatedly about retirement, about reports he was burned out. He denied the speculation. Dungy is 51.
Bill Cowher just walked away from the Steelers after 15 seasons there. He, too, was rumored to be deep fried. Cowher is only 49.
It's little wonder coaches, in an attempt to hold on to their sanity, have been known to take leaves of absence. The real mystery is how so many of them survive despite by taking absences of leave.
One coach who definitely won't get the San Diego job is Lane Kiffin. He already has been hired by the Raiders, specifically by the aged Al Davis, who was there when they invented not only the pigskin but the pig itself.
Remarkably, Kiffin is only 31, the same age Peyton Manning will be next month. Here's hoping it works out for the kid in Oakland. It would be a nice triumph for youth.
If not, there will be plenty of experienced candidates lining up for their next shot. They'd be wise to keep their cell phones close by and turned up loud. Gotta hear the thing ring over the "Matlock" reruns.